A Conversation on the 4 Bus

I would like to add as a diclaiminer that this blog is not intended to be "gossipy," however it might be perceived as such due to the fact that I use anecdotal stories of some of the program members as springboards for my thoughts. But you will notice I make mention of no names. There might be some details that could clue you in, but I am very careful only to give the barest of facts. I don't intend to stir trouble; I intend to ask questions and to get others to think. I, however, do not aspire to be Socrates. I like friends. I like aquaintances... sometimes anyway (which is why they aren't full-fledged friends, right?).

So there I was. On a the 4 bus, trying to get myself back home while trying to concentrate on readind Richard Dawkins' book The Selfish Gene (sidenote: he is really very talented. Even if you don't get genetics or biology, he is very well-versed in his analogies. Even I look at things from a whole new perspective... I'll be reading The God Delusion next. I'll be sure to let you know how that goes, klar). Unfortunately, I was having little success. Somehow the people riding with me (kids on the program who live in the same dorm complex as I... not the usual bunch I would talk to, but they're nice enough. To be honest, all the kids on the program are nice. I wonder why they're here, but nice is good enough) and I, of course, overheard their conversation.

Two girls and a guy; girls are behind me, guy is facing me (the bus seats do face the rear here at times). All of them have somehow gotten onto the topic of jobs, careers... whatnot. Life after school. Conversation is as follows (not verbatim, mind you. I came in a little late, but it's close to what was said):

Girl 1: ... and she wants to direct movies.
Girl 2: That's something I want to definitely do with my life: direct a movie.
Girl 1: Really? I didn't know that?
Girl 2: But, you know, it's like really unstable, trying to get into something like that.
Guy: Yeah, I mean, taking theater classes and stuff is fun but what would you do with it?
Girl 1: I had this freind who was doing pre-law but then she decided to do (something I missed) instead. (I'm guessing it was something acting related or whatnot).
Girl 2: Oh wow. But you know, she has something to fall back on, you know.
Girl 1: I mean, I really want to write a book. That's what I really want to do is write.
Guy: Yeah, but doing something like that, you just don't know. I mean, I liked being in that play, but it's really unstable if you want a job.
Girl 1 and 2 agree with Guy.

End of the conversation pretty much. I condensed it, yes.

So, as some background info for you, Girl 1 is a public relations major. Girl 2 is a marketing major (she was doing pre-physical therapy but decided the extra years after the program at our university weren't worth the trouble) and... I think Guy's major has something to do with business. I don't mean to sound like I didn't pay attention; in my defense, there's a lot of business related majors here. It's had for me to keep up.

Alright. So, obviously the point I'm trying to make here goes back to previous blog's mention of vo-tech versus the university and what that is supposed to mean. These kids, they have dreams of what will make them happy (I'm not sure if they are passing thoughts or something they're really passionate about. I don't know them well enough to say which) but they sacrifice the chance of doing something that might make them happy for financial security.

"Oh, Kim," you're saying, "grow up and smell the coffee. That's what you're supposed to do. Get a nice job, have a family, and be happy. Easy as that."

I disagree so thoroughly that if it could be measured in M&M's, there would be M&M's enough to fill up the world from the very deepest trench to the very highest mountain in all regions. M&M World disgust as it were. It's not a fault to want a good job that pays well. It's not a fault to want to support your family. Please, do both. But, please, don't do both by blindly following somebody saying you have to do these things.

I don't mean to sound haughty, but there's a number of professions I could have aspired to belonging to and made a decent paycheck. I won't pretend I'm not intelligent and capable and ruthless about my ambition when it comes to school. I'm all of those things. I have a 3.7 GPA and study foreign langauges and take honors classes and wish I had time to take fun classes (and by "fun" I mean calculus, comparative vertebrate anatomy, and abnormal psychology). If I had decided, nursing could have been a fast track for me. I probably would have liked it and excelled in what I did.

But I wouldn't be happy. Not with myself anyway. And it just makes me wonder if happiness is a goal anymore. I suppose it might be a goal much like enlightenment: a nice thought, but too difficult to ever try for. And I'm afraid that's what's happening to kids nowadays. I'm worried they just want to get a job and the big pay off is a new car, not happiness.

I don't want to get into the definition of what happiness might be. Go find Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics. I tend to like his definition a lot. My point is kids don't want to have passion beyond what the think it might be physically. It's questionable, to me anyway, if kids even know if passion is something more than a touch.

My passion for reading is such an all-consuming thing. Maybe I could have been a literature teacher (I guess I still could), but I love reading for the sake of reading. I don't want to be bothered an analysis after each book is closed. I have a passion for organization (strange as it seems). My travel journal here is not a record of my stupid thoughts (nope, they're all right here). My travel journal is to be a record of the flora and fauna here (the invertebrates anyway). I love things to be orderly. I relish a well-made outline. I pride myself in how fast I can alphbatize items. I get excited at the thought of getting back to my desk at home with my five different cups for different types of writing untensils.

Lame as it seems (my dorkiness is just something I must embrace. There's no getting rid of it.) I recognize my passions and find a way to channel them. Reading and organization is the very heart of research. A well-written thesis will look positively abysmal if not given the proper organization...

...but I digress. To cut to the chase, I'm sad to see the lack of real passion in people nowadays. It seems like when I was younger that children actually had dreams of being something bigger than just something that will help pay the bills. Up until I was about 10, I wanted to be an archeologist, no kidding. I was heartbroken the day I decided that, although I was interested in archeology, I probably wasn't going to study it for the sheer fact that my interests had expanded. That's the kind of passion I'm talking about; becoming mortally devesatated. I know just looking at a messy desk makes a heart skip a beat. I cringe. I have the urge to shake myself off. Don't get me started on ill-kept books or -God forbid- book burning.

Just thinking about it has killed my interest on continuing on with this discussion. Until later tonight.

Cheers.