This blog, in the beginning, was to chronicle my adventures in Germany. I had a blog a LONG time ago dealing with my time in Mexico and I found it to be refreshing once it was all over and I could see everything I thought about (or what have you). Sadly, in a fit of feeling dramatic, I deleted everything. I'll probably go through my pictures and my old notebooks to try to recreate that time again but the originals are lost.
Sometimes, I look back at this record and think, "Heavens. This entry is not the same tone as the rest of the blog." That and, "Oh, wow. That just sounds REALLY stupid now. I need to delete it to look more intelligent." But then I tell myself that it's fine because no one reads this thing anyway. I think maybe, at most, four people read it as a regular update on my life and my doings. To be honest, that's impressive considering I don't put much effort into making this sound somewhat coherant.
But, when I DID decide to do this again, I had to pick some fancy, flashy name to lure people in. But what? Something philosophical such as, "Aristotle and Me?" Nah. I'd get to wrapped in trying to keep it philosophical. There were a couple of others but the title of this blog comes from a couple of places. I've always been a big fan of Lewis Carroll's works (I can recite "Jabberwocky" at the drop of a hat and won a state art competition with it as my inspiration). Alice in Wonderland has always fascinated me because, well, I've just watched way too many psychological movies for my own good. Is what Alice experiencing real? Is Wonderland real and Alice a dream? I mean, it could go on. It's a metaphor for the difficulty I have dealing with the world at large. Not to go into too much detail, I am strange on some level that is not normal. A lot of things in the world fascinate me or scare me when they don't phase other people. Ergo, the metaphor.
And, Kim-Chan? Well, my affinity for languages has put me into positions where sometimes I'm dealing with professors or students who don't speak the same languages I do. The extent to my knowledge is Spanish, German, and French (my fluency in each decreases with each one). I've gotten to know a lot of the Japanese professors and they have a tendency to shorten my name (Kimberly) to just "Kim-chan." My Japanese education is... well there is none. But I do know that names are usually followed by "honorifics" (I think?). These honorifics denote the relationship that one has with another. Popular honorifics are "-san," "-sensai," "-sama..." And there're ones for familial relations as well, but you get the picture. (If anyone can correct me on the honorifics, please, let me know. I hate getting my languages wrong).
Incidentally, "-chan," means a freindly relationship (I think, again). So, it sounds nifty. Better than "Señorita Kim in Wonderland," that's for certain. Or I guess it could have been "Fräulein Kim in Wonderland," but then it would have looked bad on my part when, as I found out, it's now considered offensive in Germany to use the diminutive to refer to a young adult woman. (Frau is "Mrs." pronouced, "Frow" and the diminitive is derived from it, pronounced, "Froyline..." aren't umlauts fun?).
So, that's it. Nothing anime-weird or... whatever. Plus, I kinda worked the language angle so nothing to report on "The Spanglish-Danglish One." Sad day because I REALLY need to update that.
Cheers!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Properly complete
After spending a couple of hours reading about conversational code-switching, I realized I may have chosen a line of research similar to the topic I began to hate in my Literature and Philosophy class: identity.
If you followed some of the previous entries I made about recognition and identity, you might get a small taste about what I'm talking about. A lot of the literature I'm engulfed in right now deals with questions like, "Does langauge reflect society?" and "Does mixing languages reflect mixed heritages?" Examples of the mixed heritage (which means being identified as a "mixed" person) are Turkish/German or Rwandanese/Belgian. So, basically, I'm back to the "Who am I?" question that we're all scrambling to answer. No matter how hard I try, I suppose this is how it's going to end up.
My next best option is go back to undergrad and get a degree in something useful (i.e. something that guarantees a job with a steady paycheck). Believe you me, I'll make that happen if research fails. I can handle being a failure on an academic level, but not a life level. Even I have my limits; I know it might not seem that way, but I do.
So, that's what I've been up to. Working on getting ready for my next research meeting, working at the restaurant (which I only havea week left for), and being stressed out about little general things (paying rent).
Things aren't going as well as I'd hoped. My money situation won't be as fruitful as I had planned, but I'll continue to work on finding a third source of income (AGAIN). That and I STILL haven't applied to any grad schools. Or studied for the GRE. Or cleaned my room. My laundry has taken over the floor. It's gotten so bad that whenever my roommate goes to work (he works third shift) I just sleep in his bed (I'm usually up before he comes back anyway, so no harm no foul). The nights he doesn't work, I usually end up passed out on the couch with a book in hand.
Basically, survival is being accomplished but not much else. If anyone has suggestions for me to spice up my existance, let me know.
Cheers!
If you followed some of the previous entries I made about recognition and identity, you might get a small taste about what I'm talking about. A lot of the literature I'm engulfed in right now deals with questions like, "Does langauge reflect society?" and "Does mixing languages reflect mixed heritages?" Examples of the mixed heritage (which means being identified as a "mixed" person) are Turkish/German or Rwandanese/Belgian. So, basically, I'm back to the "Who am I?" question that we're all scrambling to answer. No matter how hard I try, I suppose this is how it's going to end up.
My next best option is go back to undergrad and get a degree in something useful (i.e. something that guarantees a job with a steady paycheck). Believe you me, I'll make that happen if research fails. I can handle being a failure on an academic level, but not a life level. Even I have my limits; I know it might not seem that way, but I do.
So, that's what I've been up to. Working on getting ready for my next research meeting, working at the restaurant (which I only havea week left for), and being stressed out about little general things (paying rent).
Things aren't going as well as I'd hoped. My money situation won't be as fruitful as I had planned, but I'll continue to work on finding a third source of income (AGAIN). That and I STILL haven't applied to any grad schools. Or studied for the GRE. Or cleaned my room. My laundry has taken over the floor. It's gotten so bad that whenever my roommate goes to work (he works third shift) I just sleep in his bed (I'm usually up before he comes back anyway, so no harm no foul). The nights he doesn't work, I usually end up passed out on the couch with a book in hand.
Basically, survival is being accomplished but not much else. If anyone has suggestions for me to spice up my existance, let me know.
Cheers!
Is this genetic?
I've got a fair bit more reading to do before meeting with my advisor tomorrow. Oh frabjous day. On a side note, I've discovered that I am extremely handy with crafts while needing something to take my mind off of the idea that I might fail at life. Enjoy.
Cheers!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Follow the Wallow
Ah, some time to finally sit down and give a proper update. This summer has been... busy? Possibly yes and no. It definitely has been a bit lackluster, but I must be diligent in reminding myself that summers aren't for lustering or what have you. So, I will start off with the beginning.
Right after the semester ended, I wisked off to Nashville, IN, to participate in an unofficial grad school boot camp. It was a week of unforgiving stress but also a much needed break. We were out in a camp-like resort and the surrounding town was extremely small; we walked half the length of Main Street within ten minutes.
Our first night there, we arrived in the evening. Unfortunately most of the town closes around 7 pm. Fortunately, the local hotspot eatery was open. The Holy Cow was an experience akin to a steakhouse minus the garish country music and unseemly abundance of neon signs proclaiming loyalty to some beer or another. Afterwards, I had to run back to my room to engage in something that I am ashamed of: the Lost series finale.
I'm not sure if I have chronicled my Lost experience this past semester. I'll be brief. I had never seen the show until February of this year. Once I found out it was ending, I had to catch-up. I was able to catch the last three episodes (including the finale) within three months. Don't try to comtemplate the math. Know that I am embarrassed for having watched so much television (I usually just watch CSPAN or the local news). However, since the end of the show, I have not discussed it or re-watched the series. It was over and I went on with my life.
Now that I have that off of my chest... most of the "boot camp" involved a non-stop barrage of, "You should have had all of this finished YESTERDAY," and "If you want to get into grad school you'll have to [insert seemingly impossible task]." We heard this from 8 am until 8 pm with only breaks to eat.
Granted, I STILL don't have anything for grad school finished and that was two months ago. Honestly, the impending sense of failure is such a strong presence that I repress the thought of the size of my "to-do" list until I catch a glimpse of a book or some research I've put off and it all comes flooding back and the only thing I can do is curl into the fetal position under the bed with one of my cats. The horribly sad thing about this is, it's true.
So, one of the looming things over me this summer has been the feeling of, "Oh, dear God, I can't do this. Even if I try, all the effort will be for naught because I'm not going to be good enough and if I'm not good enough then why even try?"
A lot of my stress is based in this strange idea that I have about becoming a researcher: If my research can't radically change the world, then I shouldn't even bother. No joke. Somewhere I concieved the notion that if whatever in the world I end up doing isn't going to change the world, then I should just pack up shop right now and find a good Dairy Queen to work at and call it quits.
I have some sort of unhealthy complex. It just isn't diagnosable yet.
Cheers.
Right after the semester ended, I wisked off to Nashville, IN, to participate in an unofficial grad school boot camp. It was a week of unforgiving stress but also a much needed break. We were out in a camp-like resort and the surrounding town was extremely small; we walked half the length of Main Street within ten minutes.
Our first night there, we arrived in the evening. Unfortunately most of the town closes around 7 pm. Fortunately, the local hotspot eatery was open. The Holy Cow was an experience akin to a steakhouse minus the garish country music and unseemly abundance of neon signs proclaiming loyalty to some beer or another. Afterwards, I had to run back to my room to engage in something that I am ashamed of: the Lost series finale.
I'm not sure if I have chronicled my Lost experience this past semester. I'll be brief. I had never seen the show until February of this year. Once I found out it was ending, I had to catch-up. I was able to catch the last three episodes (including the finale) within three months. Don't try to comtemplate the math. Know that I am embarrassed for having watched so much television (I usually just watch CSPAN or the local news). However, since the end of the show, I have not discussed it or re-watched the series. It was over and I went on with my life.
Now that I have that off of my chest... most of the "boot camp" involved a non-stop barrage of, "You should have had all of this finished YESTERDAY," and "If you want to get into grad school you'll have to [insert seemingly impossible task]." We heard this from 8 am until 8 pm with only breaks to eat.
Granted, I STILL don't have anything for grad school finished and that was two months ago. Honestly, the impending sense of failure is such a strong presence that I repress the thought of the size of my "to-do" list until I catch a glimpse of a book or some research I've put off and it all comes flooding back and the only thing I can do is curl into the fetal position under the bed with one of my cats. The horribly sad thing about this is, it's true.
So, one of the looming things over me this summer has been the feeling of, "Oh, dear God, I can't do this. Even if I try, all the effort will be for naught because I'm not going to be good enough and if I'm not good enough then why even try?"
A lot of my stress is based in this strange idea that I have about becoming a researcher: If my research can't radically change the world, then I shouldn't even bother. No joke. Somewhere I concieved the notion that if whatever in the world I end up doing isn't going to change the world, then I should just pack up shop right now and find a good Dairy Queen to work at and call it quits.
I have some sort of unhealthy complex. It just isn't diagnosable yet.
Cheers.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
...alright...
Whew! It's been a bit of a while since a proper update and I've been up to a lot. This entry will have to be a little short on my usual philosophical musings and whatnots. I think that last update I had might have been about finals? Let's go take it from there:
My grades ended up being a lot better than expected. Grades were as follows:
BIO 330-A
PSY 260-A
GER 102-A
SPA 302-A
ENG 360-B (poop)
To be honest, I signed up for the English course (called Literature and Philosophy) as a fun class so I'm not kicking myself too hard for it. THEN I have my summer courses. I made an A in PHI 202 (Ethics) and am taking MAT 145 (Trig) right now in order to prep myself in case a grad school decides I need Calculus. I doubt it, but one never knows. This fall I really need to step up my game though. I'm taking 12 hours worth of psych classes (50% of those will be fun), 6 hours dedicated to classes in evolution (not mutually exclusive to the psych classes, by the way. One's a psych course and the other is a bio course). Of course, Spanish is there (at this rate I should just double major in Spanish... I'm still unsure why I continue to take Spanish or German). And somewhere I'm auditing GER 201. I'm taking 19 hours, working two jobs, AND starting my code-switching research. It's going to rock.
I did find a job off campus a month ago working at a resturant downtown. Instead of being a waitress (like most girls), I have been deemed to ugly to be serving customers and am working in the kitchen. This is no joke. I was told that. It's easy work, but I have a feeling all money will be put into savings (as I am not making much). However, I have procured a job on campus as the secretary of a new program in the department. The word "secretary" is not an over-dramatization of the position either. I'm the department head's assistant; needless to say, I'm fairly pleased with that development.
Sorry for the dryness, but I'll be sure to wax philosophical and wane optimistic about my situation later. Until then.
Cheers.
My grades ended up being a lot better than expected. Grades were as follows:
BIO 330-A
PSY 260-A
GER 102-A
SPA 302-A
ENG 360-B (poop)
To be honest, I signed up for the English course (called Literature and Philosophy) as a fun class so I'm not kicking myself too hard for it. THEN I have my summer courses. I made an A in PHI 202 (Ethics) and am taking MAT 145 (Trig) right now in order to prep myself in case a grad school decides I need Calculus. I doubt it, but one never knows. This fall I really need to step up my game though. I'm taking 12 hours worth of psych classes (50% of those will be fun), 6 hours dedicated to classes in evolution (not mutually exclusive to the psych classes, by the way. One's a psych course and the other is a bio course). Of course, Spanish is there (at this rate I should just double major in Spanish... I'm still unsure why I continue to take Spanish or German). And somewhere I'm auditing GER 201. I'm taking 19 hours, working two jobs, AND starting my code-switching research. It's going to rock.
I did find a job off campus a month ago working at a resturant downtown. Instead of being a waitress (like most girls), I have been deemed to ugly to be serving customers and am working in the kitchen. This is no joke. I was told that. It's easy work, but I have a feeling all money will be put into savings (as I am not making much). However, I have procured a job on campus as the secretary of a new program in the department. The word "secretary" is not an over-dramatization of the position either. I'm the department head's assistant; needless to say, I'm fairly pleased with that development.
Sorry for the dryness, but I'll be sure to wax philosophical and wane optimistic about my situation later. Until then.
Cheers.
Volver!
If I plan on keeping this blog up, I need to remember my log in, no joke. I'll update in a couple of hours. Right now, I need to gather myself together.
Cheers.
Cheers.
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Who's writing this thing?
- The Little Wandering Owl
- Every real and searching effort at self-improvement is, of itself, a lesson of profound humanity.