Frustration to the infinite power

There we were, discussing Sartre's "Existentialism." I knew this was going to be heavy stuff. Most of the people in the humanities/honors course were heavily into their Christian beliefs (I say their own personal ideas, because most of them express some deviation from the literal teachings of the Bible).

I can't even remember what we were talking about. It had been pretty heated (although I didn't really pay much mind. I was working on a small art project made of page tabs in neon colors. This stuff was easy compared to classes I've had before like this). And then I heard this:

"Life is just like go to college, get a job, maybe have a family, be miserable at your job and then die or whatever... it's so cylindrical... It's depressing..."

My first incliniation was to suggest maybe it was "cyclic" instead of "cylindrical," but then the better part of me kicked in. Internally it went something like this:


"Wait. Wait. Wait.... Did she just acknowledge her life maybe had more to it and then deny it?"

I should mention that this girl also didn't like the use of the word, "purpose," in describing the point of life. She liked to believe that she was just in a "good place in life."

And I sit there. The conversation rolls on. I finally say something like it's sad that people think that way, but in reality, I knew she was talking about herself. She was sitting there, admitting to herself that her life might be a little lacking and brushed it off.

This really doesn't even touch how sad and frustrated and depressed I am over today's discussion in humanities. When I read it, I felt this catharsis because I am in the middle of experiencing despair and anguish and fornlorness over religion and my own belief systems and I was stupid in thinking others would see it to.

And now, I have to admit to myself that my fellow human beings want nothing better than the bare minimum in the way of understanding how to live, why we live, and to what purpose we keep living... a good majority anyway.

Really, my day is a smidge ruined. I had another girl tell me once I presented ideas that made her think and that I was so intelligent. Well, good heavens! Here it was, staring her in the face. Written on the paper are the words "condemned to freedom." Maybe 4 pages describing things I think about all the time. And she ignored it. Instead of thinking for themselves, I'm afraid to discover that most are happy to be an observer to thoughts.

And I am so infinitely sad. So, so very sad.