Part III: The Letters to Chris

04.09.09

Dear Chris,

I don’t care what anyone says at the study abroad office; culture shock is nothing. I have yet to experience culture shock in my life and I don’t think I will. However, I do experience an immense loneliness because we are not in each other’s physical lives at the moment. I haven’t heard anyone yet on the trip pine for their significant others, but I express an indescribable insanity because I don’t have my best friend. We’ll forget for a moment that we are, technically, in a relationship that has declared itself closer than a platonic one.

But I like the platonic one best; that’s the one I miss. I miss not having my best friend to laugh at me when I scream in delight over a Kinder Joy egg (it’s a toy and treat in one!) and to call me a dork when I get excited about finding the relationship between the words “Thusday,” “Donnerstag,” “Donnerst,” and “Thor’s day” (we’ll talk about that later… because it is pretty cool). I miss having someone who I never miss a beat with, even if everyone else considers me an odd bird. It’s hard to be myself when no one would understand how utterly amazing I feel looking at textbook Gothic architecture. So, in reality, being in Germany has made me choose to not be myself. It’s so depressing.

When I accidentally grab a bottle of water “mit kohlensaure,” I have to pretend that I’m okay with it. If you were here my first words would be, “Ah, crap. I bought the carbonated air again. You think I’d be fluent in at least those two German words by now.” When I ride the bus or train I could say, “I feel like I’m in New York… but in German!” Instead I have to just shut myself up and act as disinterested as everyone else is.

The point is I can’t be excited here. If I were I’m sure no one would take me seriously. With you, you know when my joking time is over but you also know when it’s ok for us to laugh at each other.

I hate the adult world.