Adulthood 101

*Expletive warning: They are littered throughout.*

It is not easy becoming self-sufficient even when you have parents to support (financially or emotionally). It is a fucking miracle if you can do it by yourself.

So, enter in my situation.

While in high school, I worked 28-30 hours a week at the local Dairy Queen. I started when I was 16 and only had a day off every week so I could baby-sit my step-siblings. I was paid minimum wage, which was 5.25 per hour back then. All the other kids at my school were missing lunch and geometry to take their Driver's licensing test and coming back in their brand new cars. My step-father refused to help me learn how to drive and my mother couldn't. However, I was still determined to earn the money to buy a car.

Finally, I had saved up $1500. I thought that, surely, if I could front a decent amount of money that my step-father would help me just so I would shut up about driving. I had no bills to pay (I didn't have a cell phone until 8 or 9 months before college) and I worked overtime whenever I could; I gave up weekends and holidays just so I could prove that I was willing to keep earning money to pay for insurance and car payments.

However, before I could ask, my step-father became gravely somber. He explained that our family mini-van was breaking down. It was often used for the commute to campus 30 mintues away (my mother was working on her BSW and my step-father was working on his Master's in History) and it was also used for my step-father's long trips to Carbondale, Illinois, because he did university work there as well (and there's a VA clinic in Marion, Illinois, as well). I'm fairly certain that the van was also bought used. I'm not 100% certain about that, even today.

Anyway, he explained that the van was breaking down. I didn't think too much about it; I simply thought that it couldn't be used to help me learn how to drive. Apparently, not the case. He explained that it needed to be brought into the shop and it was going to be very expensive. Once again, I wasn't sure where he was going with the conversation. He finally made his point: without the van, we wouldn't have a sure way of getting my mother to the hospital if she had a flare up (she has an autoimmune disease). Then he said, "If I can't come up with $1500 to fix the van, your mom could die. We NEED that van."

My heart sank. This wasn't the first time my step-father asked for money. It didn't happen often, but it did. It was just all the money I had this time. In restrospect, I should have been smarter; my step-father had helped me set up my account with the bank and it had been a joint account. He was able to look at my bank account and where I spent my money. I realized that about 6 years too late. However, I gave him the money, fearing for my mother's health, and just told myself I could start saving again.

However, that didn't happen. As the years passed and I entered college, my income was a little better but I had to buy $400 or $500 worth of books. Also, I went to college on my own (I had been placed in foster care), so I was responsible for my cell phone bill (I had to have a way to be contacted), clothes, and food. To add insult to injury, I was also in a horribly abusive relationship with a guy who was always in debt or buying expensive things. He had a car, so I thought my car situation could wait.

Then he got into an accident. He was fine, but the car was not. I had just gotten a large amount of financial aid and was planning on going to my bank and depositing the money into a yearly CD. He cried and cried and said if I could loan him the down payment, he'd make car payments on a car he'd found. He'd make the payments but keep saving money to buy a new car and then I could have the old one. Well, I had no license (I received my permit at 18) and no concept of how insurance worked. That and I didn't think a car was absolutely necessary while living on campus, so I gave him the down payment ($1500 or $2000). I won't bog down the matter further, but, needless to say, he fucked me over.

So, fast forward to now. I have my permit. I'm over 21. I have a lot of extra income this semester and am ready to buy a car. My scooter is awesome, but I need to start thinking about grad school and the possibility of moving. Therefore, I need a car.
However, there is one LARGE obstacle. I still don't have my license. I know how to drive; I've driven in all sorts of traffic and weather over the years because I have my permit and, let's face it, sometimes people don't feel like driving. So, I step in and drive. However, I just never saw the point in getting my license because buying a car was never on my radar. My financial situation is a lot better than I projected for this upcoming year.

I've asked multiple people and I've never gotten a straight, "No," but my guess is that people are touchy about their cars. There's a lot of trust involved when a car is in question. I don't think that the people I've asked don't trust me; it's just that cars are different than money. That sounds crazy I know. No one cares if I handle large sums of money because it isn't theirs; a car is something they use daily. Their livlihood could be affected if something were to happen while I was behind the wheel.

So, that's what's going on. I'm ready to buy a car and I can't. Trying to be responsible sucks hardcore ass.

Cheers