...medias res...

...then I realize that my books are starting to suffocate me and I wonder, "When is one book a book too many?" The truth of the matter is I've realized that the person I've shaped myself into is not who I wanted to be. Or maybe it was but now I've changed my mind. The problem is in order to be who I want to be, I need others to believe it, to help me perpetuate that my idea of myself is a reality. And I'm trying. I'm desperately trying to grasp onto anything and anyone to ground me because my whole life has been spent internally, with spurts of external attempts. I'm not sure what to do. I can only work with what I have... it's easy to change simple aspects or physical aspects. But not so easy to change the things that can't be changed. My only hope is to keep...